Well, it's official, court is tomorrow for SD's failure to comply with a court order, child support.
I'm practically dying from nerves. I spoke to another mother in my state who said that she was in the same situation with her child's father and they will do one of three things: 1) Tell him to pay X amount by 5PM (She said in my case, it'd probably be around $250) and if he fails, he goes to jail. 2) Take him directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. 3) Set an order to garnish his wages. Though through a little of my own investigating, I found out that my state also suspends licenses from business, to drivers, to fishing.
I'm praying they will do something that will get his attention and not just give him another slap on the wrist as they always have. If they do something serious, he's going to figure out "Oh hey, I can't just get away with it, there are repercussions." and I can expect fairly regular payments. Though I've been let down by the court systems here before, I may be let down again.
Anyhow, I'm also nervous about seeing him, the dreaded SD. I keep playing scenarios over in my head and they're always so extreme, like him. Either he won't show up, or he will and just won't speak to me period because he believes that all this is my fault. Or he'll show up and try to be super nice thinking that I don't know he's wanting to terminate, and ask to see my son. Or he'll show up and be a complete dick about the entire situation.
Well, I've already gotten it all planned. You see, I am a woman who is pissed. Thursday, he had the nerve to message my husband's Facebook account and tell him to have me call the Judge and have the Judge call him so he can explain that he can't make it to court because he's sick and has no ride. I was livid. You have a phone with internet access and a computer with internet access, but you can't google a fucking number and call it yourself? Oh my, I was about cross eyed. Of course I message him back and tell him to do it himself, and that they won't continue court because he's sick and can't find a ride, they'll tell him to get a cab, but good luck anyways.
So at court, I plan to tell him, if he even shows, what needs to be said.
1) Do not show up at AK's party. If you want to terminate your rights, you don't get to have your cake an eat it too, I'll have you arrested for trespassing.
2) Don't ever ask me to do something for you again. I've been in need so many times and begged for help, and you blew me off. Do it yourself from now on. Call your own public aid attorney, call your own Judge, and call your own prosecutor, call your own case worker. I'm done doing it for you.
3) Don't ever contact me again. You can't respect me, and you can't respect my child, so don't call. You want to terminate your rights? Don't expect for me to be a friend afterwards.
And then I plan to walk away. If he says something, ignore him. Keep walking. If he tries to instigate a fight, walk away. I'm done saying what I have to say, why would I stick around any longer?
I just hope so badly that they do something to help my son, it's hard to provide for him alone.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Court, Child Support, and Drama.
Two nights ago, I spoke to SD's mother on the phone for the first time in a few weeks since she'd switched phone companies. We were catching up on everything, she asked what happened when I tried to call and ask SD for her cell number when I was worried that her aneurism ruptured which is a story all it's own, and we got on the subject of court.
I found out shortly after my last post when SD told me that he wasn't going to give me a dime in child support, even after I told him I couldn't afford gas to get me to school, AK to daycare, or AK a pack of diapers, that we have court on the 19th of this month. Monday, actually. He's being charged with failure to comply with a court order. You guessed it, that court order is child support. I'm thrilled that something is being done, anything at all considering he is literally $1,497.00 behind, AKA $1,500 (I round up).
So, we're talking about court, I'm telling her how excited I am and she's telling me that he said he's not going to court. I laughed it off and said "Well, I hope he enjoys a bench warrant and the knowledge that the judge will make a ruling in his presence just as easily as his absence, so he's only hurting himself." And then she went on to say something that shook me hard. "Yeah, and he was talking about terminating his rights last week."
Ouch. Really? At first I was mad and said "Absolutely not, I won't allow it, he's going to have to be a man and pay child support." and then I just got really, really sad. I started thinking "Wow...So he'd rather keep $187 in his pocket every month than to have an emotional, physical, or legal bond with my son?" and eventually, I began thinking "Well fine, if that's the way it is, I'm going to call him and tell him if he'll pay for the lawyer, I'll agree to let him terminate."
That ultimate decision weighed heavy on me all day yesterday. Focusing was completely out of the question in all of my classes and got so bad in my last class that I just laid my head down on the desk and would make frequent trips to the bathroom to try and keep myself from crying. It hurts to know that the child you'd lay your life down for is so meaningless to someone who should love them just as hard. I kept wondering what I'd done to make him hate my son, what I could have done differently, why he hated my son, just...Why.
So, I had lunch with a friend who is wise beyond her years and explain the situation. She tells me that when she encountered something similar, she was advised not to allow termination and to just take him for everything she could because those were his kids too. Then I mentioned to her that a friend was asking if they were going to garnish his wages Monday and I mentioned they'd have to do a court order, which they could and may do.
So far, I've decided to wait til Monday. If they garnish his wages, awesome. But he won't be coming to my son's birthday party which is in two weeks since he wants to terminate. In fact, if he wants to see this child, he can take me to court. I'm done. He's had two years to be a part of his life financially, emotionally, or physically and has failed on all accounts.
I found out shortly after my last post when SD told me that he wasn't going to give me a dime in child support, even after I told him I couldn't afford gas to get me to school, AK to daycare, or AK a pack of diapers, that we have court on the 19th of this month. Monday, actually. He's being charged with failure to comply with a court order. You guessed it, that court order is child support. I'm thrilled that something is being done, anything at all considering he is literally $1,497.00 behind, AKA $1,500 (I round up).
So, we're talking about court, I'm telling her how excited I am and she's telling me that he said he's not going to court. I laughed it off and said "Well, I hope he enjoys a bench warrant and the knowledge that the judge will make a ruling in his presence just as easily as his absence, so he's only hurting himself." And then she went on to say something that shook me hard. "Yeah, and he was talking about terminating his rights last week."
Ouch. Really? At first I was mad and said "Absolutely not, I won't allow it, he's going to have to be a man and pay child support." and then I just got really, really sad. I started thinking "Wow...So he'd rather keep $187 in his pocket every month than to have an emotional, physical, or legal bond with my son?" and eventually, I began thinking "Well fine, if that's the way it is, I'm going to call him and tell him if he'll pay for the lawyer, I'll agree to let him terminate."
That ultimate decision weighed heavy on me all day yesterday. Focusing was completely out of the question in all of my classes and got so bad in my last class that I just laid my head down on the desk and would make frequent trips to the bathroom to try and keep myself from crying. It hurts to know that the child you'd lay your life down for is so meaningless to someone who should love them just as hard. I kept wondering what I'd done to make him hate my son, what I could have done differently, why he hated my son, just...Why.
So, I had lunch with a friend who is wise beyond her years and explain the situation. She tells me that when she encountered something similar, she was advised not to allow termination and to just take him for everything she could because those were his kids too. Then I mentioned to her that a friend was asking if they were going to garnish his wages Monday and I mentioned they'd have to do a court order, which they could and may do.
So far, I've decided to wait til Monday. If they garnish his wages, awesome. But he won't be coming to my son's birthday party which is in two weeks since he wants to terminate. In fact, if he wants to see this child, he can take me to court. I'm done. He's had two years to be a part of his life financially, emotionally, or physically and has failed on all accounts.
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