So yesterday was the big trip (About 5 hours round trip) to take my son to see SD's step father and mother. It was his second time seeing his grandmother since he saw her for the first time 10 months ago. It was his first time completely meeting SD's step father.
Now to understand the stress here, you have to understand the bullshit that occurred in the past. Months and months ago, SD's step father of whom we will call Jed, was yelling some pretty rude things at me when I was on the phone with SD's mother, of whom we will call Ann. Jed was yelling, asking just obnoxious things like "Ask her if now that she's married if she's going to come back down here and have another baby with (SD's real name)." I got a little...Irritated considering SD has been a complete dick and Jed was acting like the entire situation was my fault, or at least I felt so. I said to Ann "Tell him I said nope, I'm not stupid enough to do that twice." and after she repeated, he started saying how I was the dumb ass that did it in the first place, just really being obnoxious. So, I pretty much basically stopped speaking to Ann all together for about two weeks because I didn't want to deal with his bullshit.
I put it all behind me though, I honestly didn't care anymore. Like I've said before, someone can insult me from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, but they cannot say anything that hasn't been said before. It seriously does not bother me at this point. But, once you say something about my child? That is when demented, vindictive, asshole bent on tearing you a new one emotionally, and physically comes out. So me and my husband drive down with AK. AK is being of course, awesome. Being a real trooper about the 2 1/2 hour trip thus far. He's a bit awkward around Jed and Ann at first, as were me and my husband since all the mess that happened. Then, Jed asked me "Have you tried to let (SD) see (AK)?"
Me and Ann could both verify that I had. I had offered to meet him halfway and let him see AK, I had offered to meet him halfway, pick him up and allow him to spend the weekend with AK while sleeping on the couch, then drive him back halfway. I had invited him to birthdays, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, dinners at the daycare, and he flaked on every single one. Oh, and I'd also told him if he would just help me with gas and a little extra for maintenance on my car (Like, $10), I was willing to drive the entire distance. Jed nodded his head, and started talking to us very openly and playing with AK. AK struck up a very strong bond with Jed, I was very impressed.
Then Jed decided that they would go pick up SD and meet us at Chuckie Cheese. I was NOT fond of this idea, at all. But Jed really convinced me that SD really just needed the opportunity to be a dad, and I thought maybe now that AK was a little older, maybe SD would be more interested. So I agreed. We left and met up at Chuckie Cheese.
When they got there, me and my husband had a good laugh because Ann told us that SD had been told by Jed and herself that they were going to a tattoo shop and wanted to get a quick meal first. Apparently when they pulled up into the parking lot and parked beside of us, Jed said "(SD), who's that baby in that car beside of us?" SD said "I don't know, why?" Jed said "Because that's YOUR baby." SD had no idea.
SD ignored AK the entire time. SD spent his time following my husband around, trying to rub his new $10.50 an hour job. Thanks for letting me know, I'll be sure to have your Child Support raised, moron. Meanwhile, me, Jed, Ann, and AK were walking around, playing games with AK, putting him on rides, having just an absolute blast. Jed bought $40 worth of tokens, would not let my husband put in a penny.
Then Jed insists that we have dinner with them before we hit the road, which I thought was an excellent idea. AK loved Jed so much, he just was so awesome with him. Jed was the beaming, proud grandpa that acted like he'd been around from day one. I want to cry just thinking about it, it's so amazing. I'm truly so thankful that my son was able to experience having another set of grandparents instead of just the one, I kind of felt like a family, a real family. Plus, we were hungry and we needed to feed AK before we hit the road and I couldn't imagine anyone better to have dinner with than Jed and Ann.
Jed and I sat beside of AK, then Ann and my husband, and SD on the opposite side of the table from AK. He ignored AK again, the entire time. I still had not spoken to SD at this point. I decide to try and put forth effort and say "So, are you going to try to get a car now that your moped broke?" He went on a huge spiel about how he was going to buy another moped and save money, then use the moped as part of the 'trade in' for the car. I quickly realized I had no interest in talking to him, and stopped trying. Then, IB began blowing up SD's phone. She called 3 times, left 1 voicemail, and started texting him in the 15 minutes we had been there. Instead of spending time with his child of whom he had not seen in 10 months, he goes outside to call the girl he'd seen an hour earlier. I fumed. I had to grip the table to keep from getting up, walking outside and just screaming at him. But for Jed and Ann's sake, I decided to be civil. He came back in and said "(IB)'s mad at me." Ann said "Oh well, she'll live." and I mumbled "Hopefully not." It's like everything just went silent a millisecond before I mumbled it. My eyes got huge when I realized everyone at the table heard it. Jed was about to die laughing, my husband was cackling, and Ann was rolling. SD however, stared at the table with a frown. I said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that...So loud." I then smiled real big at SD and the pissing war began.
He bounced up and ran out two minutes later to speak to IB again, this time longer. Jed, had apologized to me before we left the house for the way he'd acted towards me and explained that he had been terribly misinformed by SD about me and now that he'd met me, his opinion had changed. I told him "You see, this is exactly why he and I had a problem in the first place. He has not seen his son in 10 months and seen this girl an hour ago. Who is he spending time with?" I think Jed understood why I'd been so cold towards SD now because when SD came back inside, sat down and began explaining IB was upset she wasn't invited to eat with the three of them (He did not tell her that me, husband, and AK were there), Jed said "Well I'm sorry, I wanted to actually enjoy my meal." SD was pissed, again.
We parted ways shortly after, but Jed promised me that him and Ann would be coming up to my house to visit AK now, and we could always meet halfway. I absolutely love the thought of it. Ann and Jed are perfect for AK, he adores the both of them. I want him to have my parents, my husband's parents, and Ann and Jed. I love Ann and Jed. This is seriously the best Christmas present I could ask for, just knowing my child has even more family that loves him and cares for him.
However, SD just further reaffirmed the theory of mine. SD is not ready to be a father, nor is he interested in it. It's not just because AK is my child, SD will never be a father and I realize that now. He and IB can have twenty kids and he still will not be a father, he is not capable of it. The fault, the defect, is in SD. It is nothing I have done, nor AK. So I will be filing for full custody, no visitation. However, I plan to keep Ann and Jed in AK's life as much as possible. And after I am awarded full custody, no visitation, I now will definitely feel comfortable enough letting AK spend a weekend with them like Ann has been begging for a year now. I'm finally okay with it.
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