Warrants and stress.

Of course, SD did not show up for child support court. No surprise there.
I stayed the entire time, over 3 hours, waiting. The Judge asked if there were any more cases for child support left and I raised my hand. He asked for my name and I stood, saying "I'm here for (SD)." The prosecutor said "He didn't show up." I said "Yes, I'm aware, but I'd like to know what is going to be done about it." He informed me that they would be issuing a warrant for SD's arrest. I walked away from the court house pleased.
When I made it home, I sent SD a message saying, this being a direct copy and paste:
"Hey, you're formally uninvited to AK's birthday party. I've had no trespassing signs placed up around the property, so please don't attempt to show up or trespassing charges will be filed. I heard that you've been talking rather avidly about terminating your rights, and the lesson here is you can't have your cake and eat it to. My son is a human being, not an inconvenience and filing the motion to terminate your own rights will not release you from your child support obligations, only I can file to do that and I'm not doing it... I will not be contacting you again for whatever reason. I will no longer inform you of court dates, nor will I make calls on your behalf to anyone, including the case worker. You're an adult with the means of doing so on your own. Please also refrain from contacting me, as I no longer wish to speak to you. Good luck with everything."
After that, I blocked him. I'm seriously done this time. There is no reason to continue contacting him. He doesn't care about my son, he doesn't love my son, and he doesn't support my son financially or emotionally. Why waste my time?
But tonight, I broke down. I will proudly say that I am a medicinal marijuana smoker. AK did irreversible damage to my body. The relaxin hormone my body produced actually separated my sacroiliac joints and after many trips to both a chiropractor and physical therapists, I was informed that it could not be fixed and eventually arthritis would set up.  My choices? Vicodin, a man made narcotic, or taking a few hits off a joint here and there. I chose the non-addictive path. I'm in terrible pain today since I have nothing to smoke, and actually had to pull over from driving because pain was shooting down my right leg to the point I could not apply pressure enough to press the gas and brake pedals.
I finally make it home and as much as I love AK and enjoy his company, when I'm in pain? I'm a totally different person. I can't handle AK when I'm in pain. When he throws his toys at me, it's no longer 'cute'. When he insists to sit on my lap, the extra weight is too much to handle. When he needs something, it's nearly impossible for me to move. So when my beloved AK was throwing giant plastic motorcycles at me, I decided it was time for a nap. I tucked him in and caught myself. I was thinking "I wish SD would take him for a weekend, or even just a few hours so I could rest."
Actually? I don't. I don't want a cocaine addict around my son. But I so wish that SD would stop snorting cocaine and actually be a part of AK's life. Then, I would have no problem in letting him (Not that he wants to) take AK for a weekend or a few hours. I'd love it, I'd enjoy every moment of it. I found myself angry with him, wanting to call him and say "Do you understand what you've done? Do you have the slightest clue what I have sacrificed to bring this child into the world? I sacrificed my health, my ability to walk or stand for more than 30 minutes, my ability to carry things heavier than a few pounds, and yet you can't give up cocaine? Go fuck yourself."
I caught myself before I dialed the phone. As much as I'd love to say it, I won't because that will just open the door for conversation again and as I said earlier, there's no reason to continue speaking to him since his interests are obviously not in my son.