I never thought that inviting someone to my son's second birthday would cause an argument...But that was also a time before SD dove into the eternal depths that is IB's anus and refused to leave. He managed to call me September 1st to tell me that he would be paying his first child support payment on the 14th, which did not happen. Surprising? Nope, though I wish I could say I was the least bit surprised.
Back to business. After he informed me of his intent to pay, I decided to be nice and invite him to my son's birthday party in about two months. He said "Well can I..." and I quickly cut him off. I said very kindly "You are invited, your mother is invited, your mother's sister is invited, anyone who is family is invited. Anyone who is not family is not invited. Catch my drift?"
"Oh so IB can't come?" I figured you'd catch that and I wouldn't have to explain, but apparently an explanation is in order. "No, she may not." "Why?" SD knows damn good and well why IB cannot come, but he likes to get explanations so that he can repeat it to her when I wouldn't have a problem saying it to her myself. I am the type of person who thinks with a very level head and can be very civil when I choose to.
"She cannot come because 1) I do not like her. 2) My mother hates her. 3) Your mother hates her. 4) I've already told her before that she is not to step foot on my property after the horrid things she's said about my son and 5) If she does so choose to ignore it and step foot on my property, I will have her arrested and do not think I won't."
"Why do you hate her?" "I wonder why? It could have been because she said my son was an inconvenience to your future family, or that she said she hoped he wasn't yours, or any time you spoke to her about my son she would say 'shut up, you don't even know if that's your kid.' so...Maybe all of the above?"
"Well you know we're getting married, she's going to be family, you gotta get used to the fact she's going to be around you and AK..." I again, cut him off.
"I do not have to get used to a damn thing, SD. You can marry her 40 times, that will not make her shit to me. This is my child, it's my child's birthday, I'm paying for it, I'm hosting it, I will say who can come and who cannot and I will not have people pissed off at my kid's party so no, she can't come. You can either come alone or don't come at all."
He said he would come alone, so we will see how that goes.
Stand your ground ladies. Don't be pushed around when you know someone is a toxic influence to your child. Mother knows best.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
I need a break.
Mommas, I'm sure you've all been to that point where you have tried your best to clean your house with a crying baby clinging to you and getting into things between cling sessions. Where you just stare into space trying to console the little banshee in your arms thinking "I need a break." or "Why can't he just help me sometimes?"
I have these moments quite a bit, and the last one is right now. I've spent the entire day cleaning, doing homework, cooking meals, doing dishes, consoling that screaming toddler and trying to keep that same toddler from getting into things he should not be getting in to. Thankfully though, I have my spouse who I can tag out with and have him take over for a few minutes.
But still the lingering thought in your head is "Why can't I rely on SD for help." I thought about this earlier in the week actually. I was driving home from picking AK up from daycare and thought "I'm so tired...I wish SD would take him for a weekend just so I could rest a little." but the immediate after thought was "I wish I could trust SD to take him for a weekend."
You see, two weeks ago I found out something about SD. I called his mother to inform her that my son's surgery went well, of which SD had no interest in but she did. We've grown very close and I am so thankful for that, and she confided something in me. She said "T, do you remember last week when I was on SD's case about not paying child support?" I remembered it very well, so I said yes and asked why. "Well...I kept asking him where his money was going, where and he said that he was still on cocaine."
This is news to me, considering I never knew he'd done cocaine at all. Apparently, this was a 3 year ongoing thing and it's still going on. Apparently IB wasn't getting all of his money, but still a large chunk while the other is going up his nose. Of course I was surprised, and honestly I'd lost all faith in him even though there wasn't much left to lose.
So now as my break grows to a close, I just want to say this. Mommas, I know that you get tired and you want a break, we all do. I know that you just want to pick up that phone, call then and scream at them for not helping. I know that you are angry that you are saddled with all the responsibility while your sperm donor runs free but just remember this. Your child will remember all of the times you were there, and he wasn't. They'll remember all of the good times, the bad times, the funny times, and the sad times and you'll be closer for it. You deserve a break though, so when that time comes where you feel that you're about to fizzle out, reach out. Call a friend, your parents, your grand parents, any source that you have left and ask for help and more than likely, they'll be willing.
I have these moments quite a bit, and the last one is right now. I've spent the entire day cleaning, doing homework, cooking meals, doing dishes, consoling that screaming toddler and trying to keep that same toddler from getting into things he should not be getting in to. Thankfully though, I have my spouse who I can tag out with and have him take over for a few minutes.
But still the lingering thought in your head is "Why can't I rely on SD for help." I thought about this earlier in the week actually. I was driving home from picking AK up from daycare and thought "I'm so tired...I wish SD would take him for a weekend just so I could rest a little." but the immediate after thought was "I wish I could trust SD to take him for a weekend."
You see, two weeks ago I found out something about SD. I called his mother to inform her that my son's surgery went well, of which SD had no interest in but she did. We've grown very close and I am so thankful for that, and she confided something in me. She said "T, do you remember last week when I was on SD's case about not paying child support?" I remembered it very well, so I said yes and asked why. "Well...I kept asking him where his money was going, where and he said that he was still on cocaine."
This is news to me, considering I never knew he'd done cocaine at all. Apparently, this was a 3 year ongoing thing and it's still going on. Apparently IB wasn't getting all of his money, but still a large chunk while the other is going up his nose. Of course I was surprised, and honestly I'd lost all faith in him even though there wasn't much left to lose.
So now as my break grows to a close, I just want to say this. Mommas, I know that you get tired and you want a break, we all do. I know that you just want to pick up that phone, call then and scream at them for not helping. I know that you are angry that you are saddled with all the responsibility while your sperm donor runs free but just remember this. Your child will remember all of the times you were there, and he wasn't. They'll remember all of the good times, the bad times, the funny times, and the sad times and you'll be closer for it. You deserve a break though, so when that time comes where you feel that you're about to fizzle out, reach out. Call a friend, your parents, your grand parents, any source that you have left and ask for help and more than likely, they'll be willing.
Dealing With The New Girlfriend.
This is a topic that people either handle very well, or it's a disaster. Let's face it, not everyone has the social graces to be civil with the new girl either because of their own emotions, or because the new girlfriend is one of those "I'm the most important person on the planet, even more important than your kid" girls.
My experience with this is still a work in progress, I'm sad to say. SD began dating this girl in October of 2011, a month before our son had his first birthday. Honestly she was probably the third girl he'd dated since May when I found him again, so I thought very little of it. I was dignified, civil, and respectful regardless of the fact I assumed the relationship wouldn't last since he was a 'serial short term dater'.
SD's last girlfriend, before IB, was a pleasure. She was very sweet, very concerned about SD and AK (Awesome Kid)'s relationship. She was one of those girls that would say "I've seen you three times this week, wouldn't you like to spend time with your son for a little bit? I'll be fine, we can hang out later." Beautiful, absolutely beautiful and we worked together as a team.
But they came to a screeching halt and horrible break up when there was a pregnancy scare and SD did what he did best...Ran for the hills. Thankfully for both her sake and the potential child, she was not pregnant. We still keep in touch though because we bonded on a friend basis and well, I enjoy her company more than I do his.
Back to the point. Me and IB were fine, up until I heard tales of things she was saying behind my back. Of course like most things I hear, I label it as gossip and go about my day. But when you begin hearing things like she publicly says to SD when he talks about AK, "Shut up! You don't even know if that's your kid, stop talking about it!" Which was prior to the DNA test, and things like "You should stop talking to her, it makes me uncomfortable." Because you know, communication when you have a child together isn't needed...*Sarcasm* So I gave IB the benefit of the doubt and sent her a message on Facebook saying "I'm sure it's just bored people talking, but have you been saying these things?" and much to my surprise...She confirms it herself in a very colorful way.
This goes on for a while. Including an argument of when SD met AK for the first time. I was driving, as I said, 5 hours round trip and paying for gas out of pocket so that SD could meet AK. Since this was the first time SD was going to be meeting AK, AK was bad with strangers, and SD was a serial short term dater who had only been dating IB for four months, I asked that she not be there considering I would be the one picking him up and giving him a ride to his mothers house where we would be doing the visitation. You'd think it wouldn't be a problem considering it was the first time, I was paying for gas, and it was my car but no. IB insisted that she be there, and I kept my foot firm. It evolved into "Well, I think this is best." to "This is my child, you will not tell me what to do!" with IB, when she put her foot down as well and said "SD can't go unless I can go" so I pretty much flipped the bird to both of them. My car, my gas money, my child, my choice.
This is the point in which me and SD have the huge argument which lead to him admitting he also did not believe AK was his child and he'd pretty much just been using Ashley's voice (Who was voicing the concern as well) to say it. So I made the trip down, made damn sure to say she was not allowed since she wanted to be pushy, and we had the visitation and performed the home DNA test. I set ground rules before agreeing to make the trip that applied to both parties. Since this was the first visitation, the first time meeting his son, neither of us were allowed to take phone calls, text, etc since this was a serious matter that deserved our full attention. We were not allowed to argue since we're so famous for that, and we were not allowed to make remarks concerning the other's partner since in March of 2011, I married my high school sweetheart.
Everything was going fabulously. SD was very nervous around AK, but he tried his best. He fed AK, he changed his diapers, and he played with him while we were there. If he'd asked me for more visitation at that point, I'd have gladly agreed. Then IB calls, and he takes the call. I stare at him for a moment, and decide to be graceful and say "We agreed to no phone calls, I guess you forgot." He looks at me and says "It will only take a minute."
By this point I'm exhausted. I've driven 3 hours in total because when I met SD to pick him up so we could go to his mother's house, he asks me to go to four different friend's houses so he can pick up his clothes that he left there, or other things. I had a toddler in the back seat, screaming in protest from being locked in a car seat the entire 3 hours, and I'd woken up at an ungodly hour to bathe myself, AK, dress myself and AK, cook breakfast, pack a diaper bag, well you mothers know what you have to do before you can leave.
I bite my tongue, hearing IB loudly say "What are you up to?!" knowing good and well what he was doing. He casually says "I'm with my son. I'll have to call you back." This was the first and last time I was proud of SD. She says "Oh okay, let me talk to T" I pause, and he starts to hand me the phone. I have nothing to say to this girl, she knows that this is the first time SD is meeting AK and this is just unacceptable. I kindly say "No. I do not want to talk to her right now, this day is about AK, not her. I will call her back later if it's truly important."
SD puts the phone back to his ear and I hear her loudly say "Is she mad at me?!" No dear, there's a pretty large gap between hating someone and just not liking them because they're a horrible person that speaks ill of a child. But, he gets her off the phone and the day progresses.
While this was just one of many, many encounters I've had with the new girlfriend, remember mommas. Keep your cool. If you act in a civil and polite way even when you just want to scream and say "Are you that dumb?!" You are the adult, you are the mature one. You are the one who looks sane of the two of you. Of course there is a line which civility and politeness isn't an option, but we'll cover that later. Til then, remember, you are that child's mother and you are in charge, not her. Do not let the girlfriend dictate how something will happen if you are not comfortable with it.
My experience with this is still a work in progress, I'm sad to say. SD began dating this girl in October of 2011, a month before our son had his first birthday. Honestly she was probably the third girl he'd dated since May when I found him again, so I thought very little of it. I was dignified, civil, and respectful regardless of the fact I assumed the relationship wouldn't last since he was a 'serial short term dater'.
SD's last girlfriend, before IB, was a pleasure. She was very sweet, very concerned about SD and AK (Awesome Kid)'s relationship. She was one of those girls that would say "I've seen you three times this week, wouldn't you like to spend time with your son for a little bit? I'll be fine, we can hang out later." Beautiful, absolutely beautiful and we worked together as a team.
But they came to a screeching halt and horrible break up when there was a pregnancy scare and SD did what he did best...Ran for the hills. Thankfully for both her sake and the potential child, she was not pregnant. We still keep in touch though because we bonded on a friend basis and well, I enjoy her company more than I do his.
Back to the point. Me and IB were fine, up until I heard tales of things she was saying behind my back. Of course like most things I hear, I label it as gossip and go about my day. But when you begin hearing things like she publicly says to SD when he talks about AK, "Shut up! You don't even know if that's your kid, stop talking about it!" Which was prior to the DNA test, and things like "You should stop talking to her, it makes me uncomfortable." Because you know, communication when you have a child together isn't needed...*Sarcasm* So I gave IB the benefit of the doubt and sent her a message on Facebook saying "I'm sure it's just bored people talking, but have you been saying these things?" and much to my surprise...She confirms it herself in a very colorful way.
This goes on for a while. Including an argument of when SD met AK for the first time. I was driving, as I said, 5 hours round trip and paying for gas out of pocket so that SD could meet AK. Since this was the first time SD was going to be meeting AK, AK was bad with strangers, and SD was a serial short term dater who had only been dating IB for four months, I asked that she not be there considering I would be the one picking him up and giving him a ride to his mothers house where we would be doing the visitation. You'd think it wouldn't be a problem considering it was the first time, I was paying for gas, and it was my car but no. IB insisted that she be there, and I kept my foot firm. It evolved into "Well, I think this is best." to "This is my child, you will not tell me what to do!" with IB, when she put her foot down as well and said "SD can't go unless I can go" so I pretty much flipped the bird to both of them. My car, my gas money, my child, my choice.
This is the point in which me and SD have the huge argument which lead to him admitting he also did not believe AK was his child and he'd pretty much just been using Ashley's voice (Who was voicing the concern as well) to say it. So I made the trip down, made damn sure to say she was not allowed since she wanted to be pushy, and we had the visitation and performed the home DNA test. I set ground rules before agreeing to make the trip that applied to both parties. Since this was the first visitation, the first time meeting his son, neither of us were allowed to take phone calls, text, etc since this was a serious matter that deserved our full attention. We were not allowed to argue since we're so famous for that, and we were not allowed to make remarks concerning the other's partner since in March of 2011, I married my high school sweetheart.
Everything was going fabulously. SD was very nervous around AK, but he tried his best. He fed AK, he changed his diapers, and he played with him while we were there. If he'd asked me for more visitation at that point, I'd have gladly agreed. Then IB calls, and he takes the call. I stare at him for a moment, and decide to be graceful and say "We agreed to no phone calls, I guess you forgot." He looks at me and says "It will only take a minute."
By this point I'm exhausted. I've driven 3 hours in total because when I met SD to pick him up so we could go to his mother's house, he asks me to go to four different friend's houses so he can pick up his clothes that he left there, or other things. I had a toddler in the back seat, screaming in protest from being locked in a car seat the entire 3 hours, and I'd woken up at an ungodly hour to bathe myself, AK, dress myself and AK, cook breakfast, pack a diaper bag, well you mothers know what you have to do before you can leave.
I bite my tongue, hearing IB loudly say "What are you up to?!" knowing good and well what he was doing. He casually says "I'm with my son. I'll have to call you back." This was the first and last time I was proud of SD. She says "Oh okay, let me talk to T" I pause, and he starts to hand me the phone. I have nothing to say to this girl, she knows that this is the first time SD is meeting AK and this is just unacceptable. I kindly say "No. I do not want to talk to her right now, this day is about AK, not her. I will call her back later if it's truly important."
SD puts the phone back to his ear and I hear her loudly say "Is she mad at me?!" No dear, there's a pretty large gap between hating someone and just not liking them because they're a horrible person that speaks ill of a child. But, he gets her off the phone and the day progresses.
While this was just one of many, many encounters I've had with the new girlfriend, remember mommas. Keep your cool. If you act in a civil and polite way even when you just want to scream and say "Are you that dumb?!" You are the adult, you are the mature one. You are the one who looks sane of the two of you. Of course there is a line which civility and politeness isn't an option, but we'll cover that later. Til then, remember, you are that child's mother and you are in charge, not her. Do not let the girlfriend dictate how something will happen if you are not comfortable with it.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Child Support Enforcement.
What a joke. Enforcement, and all the workers coupled with the court system and law enforcement are the enforcers? Yeah, right. Child Support 'We tell you to pay, but it's whatever' is a more suitable name at least for my county.
Honestly, I struggled for the first five months of my son's life on whether or not to pursue child support. I had began working again as soon as I was given the 'okay' by my obstetrician at the 6 week point and I busted my ass every day. Sadly, it's hard for one person to make it on their own with a child. Diapers, wipes, formula, clothes, bottles, bibs...It seemed like the list of things he needed just went on, and my wallet became slimmer like a starving dog.
Even facing financial troubles, I still had my son's best interest at heart for those of you who wonder "Why would you even bother pursuing an alcoholic who threatened you while pregnant and dissapeared for child support?" I spent probably two weeks calling lawyers, talking to Magistrates, and even grilling Child Support 'Enforcement' for answers to questions like "If I pursue him, do I have to give him custody or visitation of any kind?"
LADIES, listen to this CLOSELY. No matter what state you are in, paying child support does not give a man the right to see a child in the eyes of the law. If you need child support, get it. If he wants visitation or custody and you're not comfortable with it, he will have to take you to court. Do not be afraid to pursue something you are entitled to.
The last paragraph is what I was told. Child support is to support the child that was created by SD, if he wanted visitation or custody and I felt that it was not safe than it was my option to say "Take me to court." and prove my case in front of a judge if he chose to do so.
So after SD was finally tracked down and determining that I couldn't rely on him to help me without taking it into the court system, I began pursuing him. I was hoping that I could rely on him to willingly help me get a box of diapers and wipes when I needed it and had no money, or just give me $20 here and there to help cover costs but that wasn't happening. So May 2011 is when this journey began.
He claimed that he was more than willing to pay child support...But he wanted a DNA test since his newest girlfriend who at this point he had been dating for about 3 weeks, swore up and down that my son was not his. I'm sure she'd know, she was totally in the bedroom with us while my son was being conceived. *Sarcasm* After they scheduled two DNA tests at the local hospital for his convenience and him not showing up to either, I was told that they would be giving him a subpoena to make him submit his DNA. This was October.
November came, and went. December soon followed. January as well. Still, he had not been served with his subpoena, and my patience grew short. After having a huge blow out argument with him, we finally came to a conclusion. I would drive 5 hours round trip to his city, bring a home DNA test and affidavit of parentage. He would sign the affidavit and I would turn it in to Child Support 'Enforcement' when the results came back. Here's that result:
Now if you read closely, it states "This genetic analysis excludes at least 99.99% of Caucasion men from paternity." as well as "Indicates that these genetic data are 6,408,570,000 (That's six billion, four hundred and eight million, five hundred seventy thousand) times more likely if SPERM DONOR is the biological father of AWESOME KID than if an untested, unrelated Caucasian man is the biological father." Kinda looks like to me those are some pretty stiff numbers. So, girlfriend of Sperm Donor who we will call Irritating Bitch, IB for short like Irritable Bowel which is much like what she does for me, is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
I turned the Affidavit of Parentage in to Child Support 'Enforcement' thinking that the ball would not only be rolling, it would be zooming the speed of light. I basically just did their job for them, right? I proved to him that he was the father of our son, and got him to sign a paper stating so in front of a notary. Ah, I'm so naive sometimes.
Fast forward to June, 2012. I still have not seen a penny, nor has our case made it to court since SD was giving us the run around since he had moved three and a half hours away because he finally decided that an education (Which the establishment he's attending doesn't really provide an education, just 'certificates') was important after all. Finally, I get the letter in the male at the end of June.
SD is responsible for $187 per month, based on his income (He told me that he didn't have any income at all) which was $1,256.00 per month. Oh great, another lie but that's fine. I expect that they will back date it from the month in which I filed, May 2011. I began counting frantically in my mind thinking "Oh amazing day, my son will have $2,431 to add to his savings account for college!" and much to my dismay, they only back dated it to APRIL of 2012. Fine, fine, that'll do. I'm just glad it's finally over with!
Not yet it's not. While it was a VOLUNTARY child support agreement meaning he read all five pages of it and signed it in front of a notary, 4 pages of which had $187 on it, SD has decided that he doesn't want to pay that much and begins hounding Child Support 'Enforcement' to drop the amount, claiming that he didn't make that amount and he had no idea where they got that number. Two months later, they're still waiting on his proof of income while he is almost $1,200 behind in child support with a warrant for his arrest out.
It's not over, it's never over. Mommas, remember that. As long as a man does not want to pay, he will find a way out of it. Do not let this bother you or you will end up bald from tearing your hair out. Wait patiently, but do not hold your breath. Eventually, it will work out and you will see that money. A lot of men think that by not paying and doing jail time, that amount is just dissolved and the tab is started over. Nope, that's not the way it works. Your SD will be put in jail, and he will still owe the amount. Don't fret, they are being held accountable just like you are, as a mother. Keep up the wonderful job you're doing and eventually you will get what you deserve.
Honestly, I struggled for the first five months of my son's life on whether or not to pursue child support. I had began working again as soon as I was given the 'okay' by my obstetrician at the 6 week point and I busted my ass every day. Sadly, it's hard for one person to make it on their own with a child. Diapers, wipes, formula, clothes, bottles, bibs...It seemed like the list of things he needed just went on, and my wallet became slimmer like a starving dog.
Even facing financial troubles, I still had my son's best interest at heart for those of you who wonder "Why would you even bother pursuing an alcoholic who threatened you while pregnant and dissapeared for child support?" I spent probably two weeks calling lawyers, talking to Magistrates, and even grilling Child Support 'Enforcement' for answers to questions like "If I pursue him, do I have to give him custody or visitation of any kind?"
LADIES, listen to this CLOSELY. No matter what state you are in, paying child support does not give a man the right to see a child in the eyes of the law. If you need child support, get it. If he wants visitation or custody and you're not comfortable with it, he will have to take you to court. Do not be afraid to pursue something you are entitled to.
The last paragraph is what I was told. Child support is to support the child that was created by SD, if he wanted visitation or custody and I felt that it was not safe than it was my option to say "Take me to court." and prove my case in front of a judge if he chose to do so.
So after SD was finally tracked down and determining that I couldn't rely on him to help me without taking it into the court system, I began pursuing him. I was hoping that I could rely on him to willingly help me get a box of diapers and wipes when I needed it and had no money, or just give me $20 here and there to help cover costs but that wasn't happening. So May 2011 is when this journey began.
He claimed that he was more than willing to pay child support...But he wanted a DNA test since his newest girlfriend who at this point he had been dating for about 3 weeks, swore up and down that my son was not his. I'm sure she'd know, she was totally in the bedroom with us while my son was being conceived. *Sarcasm* After they scheduled two DNA tests at the local hospital for his convenience and him not showing up to either, I was told that they would be giving him a subpoena to make him submit his DNA. This was October.
November came, and went. December soon followed. January as well. Still, he had not been served with his subpoena, and my patience grew short. After having a huge blow out argument with him, we finally came to a conclusion. I would drive 5 hours round trip to his city, bring a home DNA test and affidavit of parentage. He would sign the affidavit and I would turn it in to Child Support 'Enforcement' when the results came back. Here's that result:
I turned the Affidavit of Parentage in to Child Support 'Enforcement' thinking that the ball would not only be rolling, it would be zooming the speed of light. I basically just did their job for them, right? I proved to him that he was the father of our son, and got him to sign a paper stating so in front of a notary. Ah, I'm so naive sometimes.
Fast forward to June, 2012. I still have not seen a penny, nor has our case made it to court since SD was giving us the run around since he had moved three and a half hours away because he finally decided that an education (Which the establishment he's attending doesn't really provide an education, just 'certificates') was important after all. Finally, I get the letter in the male at the end of June.
SD is responsible for $187 per month, based on his income (He told me that he didn't have any income at all) which was $1,256.00 per month. Oh great, another lie but that's fine. I expect that they will back date it from the month in which I filed, May 2011. I began counting frantically in my mind thinking "Oh amazing day, my son will have $2,431 to add to his savings account for college!" and much to my dismay, they only back dated it to APRIL of 2012. Fine, fine, that'll do. I'm just glad it's finally over with!
Not yet it's not. While it was a VOLUNTARY child support agreement meaning he read all five pages of it and signed it in front of a notary, 4 pages of which had $187 on it, SD has decided that he doesn't want to pay that much and begins hounding Child Support 'Enforcement' to drop the amount, claiming that he didn't make that amount and he had no idea where they got that number. Two months later, they're still waiting on his proof of income while he is almost $1,200 behind in child support with a warrant for his arrest out.
It's not over, it's never over. Mommas, remember that. As long as a man does not want to pay, he will find a way out of it. Do not let this bother you or you will end up bald from tearing your hair out. Wait patiently, but do not hold your breath. Eventually, it will work out and you will see that money. A lot of men think that by not paying and doing jail time, that amount is just dissolved and the tab is started over. Nope, that's not the way it works. Your SD will be put in jail, and he will still owe the amount. Don't fret, they are being held accountable just like you are, as a mother. Keep up the wonderful job you're doing and eventually you will get what you deserve.
My First Post.
I never really thought about having a blog, because I knew I'd end up using it as a therapist and venting all of my problems to a blank page. But if anything I say, anything I have learned, or any inspirational messages I share can help out another mother who was the 'victim of a sperm donor', that's great. So let's start.
I want my blog to be anonymous, so call me T. My name is T, and I am the victim of a sperm donor. I met my son's father in early 2010 and like most idiots, fell in love. Of course everything was perfect until his flaws became ever more apparent...His need to drink daily, his lack of urgency to obtain employment other than mowing lawns for beer money, his disdain for pursuing education including his GED...The list goes on. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, we broke up due to the fact that he began calling me drunk and accusing me of the most absurd things with a very colorful vocabulary, and he went MIA which seems to be a common happening these days.
My pregnancy was far from flawless. After my first trimester, I was diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension which as luck would have it, developed into pre-eclampsia that brought friends...Low amniotic fluid, prematurely aged placenta, restricted umbilical cord blood flow...You name it my friend, I had it which lead to my hospitalization at 30 weeks. For a month we both fought, my son and I, to stay alive. I fought to keep him in utero to grow and get healthy, and he fought to stay. But after I hit 34 weeks, the umbilical cord blood flow had gotten worse and induction was on the horizon. After 36 hours of labor, I was wheeled in for an emergency c-section and he was born.
The love of my life, the most important person I had and would ever meet, the reason I would get up in the morning, the reason I would better myself and fight for a better life...He was all these things and I had just met him. But my beautiful, precious, and amazing 4 lb 14 oz, 19 inch long fighter had to stay in the NICU for two weeks.
He came home and he grew, and Sperm Donor was not to be found. After searching high and low with friends and family turning into blood hounds on the trail for FIVE MONTHS, I finally found Sperm Donor. We will call him SD for short. And that is where this journey begins.
My journey is bittersweet. Laced with happiness, joy, and pure bliss from having this amazing child who just shocks me every day that I could produce someone so perfect, and yet it's darkened by his presence, his words, and his actions.
Hang in there mommas. If there is anything I learned, it's patience.
I want my blog to be anonymous, so call me T. My name is T, and I am the victim of a sperm donor. I met my son's father in early 2010 and like most idiots, fell in love. Of course everything was perfect until his flaws became ever more apparent...His need to drink daily, his lack of urgency to obtain employment other than mowing lawns for beer money, his disdain for pursuing education including his GED...The list goes on. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, we broke up due to the fact that he began calling me drunk and accusing me of the most absurd things with a very colorful vocabulary, and he went MIA which seems to be a common happening these days.
My pregnancy was far from flawless. After my first trimester, I was diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension which as luck would have it, developed into pre-eclampsia that brought friends...Low amniotic fluid, prematurely aged placenta, restricted umbilical cord blood flow...You name it my friend, I had it which lead to my hospitalization at 30 weeks. For a month we both fought, my son and I, to stay alive. I fought to keep him in utero to grow and get healthy, and he fought to stay. But after I hit 34 weeks, the umbilical cord blood flow had gotten worse and induction was on the horizon. After 36 hours of labor, I was wheeled in for an emergency c-section and he was born.
The love of my life, the most important person I had and would ever meet, the reason I would get up in the morning, the reason I would better myself and fight for a better life...He was all these things and I had just met him. But my beautiful, precious, and amazing 4 lb 14 oz, 19 inch long fighter had to stay in the NICU for two weeks.
He came home and he grew, and Sperm Donor was not to be found. After searching high and low with friends and family turning into blood hounds on the trail for FIVE MONTHS, I finally found Sperm Donor. We will call him SD for short. And that is where this journey begins.
My journey is bittersweet. Laced with happiness, joy, and pure bliss from having this amazing child who just shocks me every day that I could produce someone so perfect, and yet it's darkened by his presence, his words, and his actions.
Hang in there mommas. If there is anything I learned, it's patience.
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