Honestly, I struggled for the first five months of my son's life on whether or not to pursue child support. I had began working again as soon as I was given the 'okay' by my obstetrician at the 6 week point and I busted my ass every day. Sadly, it's hard for one person to make it on their own with a child. Diapers, wipes, formula, clothes, bottles, bibs...It seemed like the list of things he needed just went on, and my wallet became slimmer like a starving dog.
Even facing financial troubles, I still had my son's best interest at heart for those of you who wonder "Why would you even bother pursuing an alcoholic who threatened you while pregnant and dissapeared for child support?" I spent probably two weeks calling lawyers, talking to Magistrates, and even grilling Child Support 'Enforcement' for answers to questions like "If I pursue him, do I have to give him custody or visitation of any kind?"
LADIES, listen to this CLOSELY. No matter what state you are in, paying child support does not give a man the right to see a child in the eyes of the law. If you need child support, get it. If he wants visitation or custody and you're not comfortable with it, he will have to take you to court. Do not be afraid to pursue something you are entitled to.
The last paragraph is what I was told. Child support is to support the child that was created by SD, if he wanted visitation or custody and I felt that it was not safe than it was my option to say "Take me to court." and prove my case in front of a judge if he chose to do so.
So after SD was finally tracked down and determining that I couldn't rely on him to help me without taking it into the court system, I began pursuing him. I was hoping that I could rely on him to willingly help me get a box of diapers and wipes when I needed it and had no money, or just give me $20 here and there to help cover costs but that wasn't happening. So May 2011 is when this journey began.
He claimed that he was more than willing to pay child support...But he wanted a DNA test since his newest girlfriend who at this point he had been dating for about 3 weeks, swore up and down that my son was not his. I'm sure she'd know, she was totally in the bedroom with us while my son was being conceived. *Sarcasm* After they scheduled two DNA tests at the local hospital for his convenience and him not showing up to either, I was told that they would be giving him a subpoena to make him submit his DNA. This was October.
November came, and went. December soon followed. January as well. Still, he had not been served with his subpoena, and my patience grew short. After having a huge blow out argument with him, we finally came to a conclusion. I would drive 5 hours round trip to his city, bring a home DNA test and affidavit of parentage. He would sign the affidavit and I would turn it in to Child Support 'Enforcement' when the results came back. Here's that result:
I turned the Affidavit of Parentage in to Child Support 'Enforcement' thinking that the ball would not only be rolling, it would be zooming the speed of light. I basically just did their job for them, right? I proved to him that he was the father of our son, and got him to sign a paper stating so in front of a notary. Ah, I'm so naive sometimes.
Fast forward to June, 2012. I still have not seen a penny, nor has our case made it to court since SD was giving us the run around since he had moved three and a half hours away because he finally decided that an education (Which the establishment he's attending doesn't really provide an education, just 'certificates') was important after all. Finally, I get the letter in the male at the end of June.
SD is responsible for $187 per month, based on his income (He told me that he didn't have any income at all) which was $1,256.00 per month. Oh great, another lie but that's fine. I expect that they will back date it from the month in which I filed, May 2011. I began counting frantically in my mind thinking "Oh amazing day, my son will have $2,431 to add to his savings account for college!" and much to my dismay, they only back dated it to APRIL of 2012. Fine, fine, that'll do. I'm just glad it's finally over with!
Not yet it's not. While it was a VOLUNTARY child support agreement meaning he read all five pages of it and signed it in front of a notary, 4 pages of which had $187 on it, SD has decided that he doesn't want to pay that much and begins hounding Child Support 'Enforcement' to drop the amount, claiming that he didn't make that amount and he had no idea where they got that number. Two months later, they're still waiting on his proof of income while he is almost $1,200 behind in child support with a warrant for his arrest out.
It's not over, it's never over. Mommas, remember that. As long as a man does not want to pay, he will find a way out of it. Do not let this bother you or you will end up bald from tearing your hair out. Wait patiently, but do not hold your breath. Eventually, it will work out and you will see that money. A lot of men think that by not paying and doing jail time, that amount is just dissolved and the tab is started over. Nope, that's not the way it works. Your SD will be put in jail, and he will still owe the amount. Don't fret, they are being held accountable just like you are, as a mother. Keep up the wonderful job you're doing and eventually you will get what you deserve.
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