This is a topic that people either handle very well, or it's a disaster. Let's face it, not everyone has the social graces to be civil with the new girl either because of their own emotions, or because the new girlfriend is one of those "I'm the most important person on the planet, even more important than your kid" girls.
My experience with this is still a work in progress, I'm sad to say. SD began dating this girl in October of 2011, a month before our son had his first birthday. Honestly she was probably the third girl he'd dated since May when I found him again, so I thought very little of it. I was dignified, civil, and respectful regardless of the fact I assumed the relationship wouldn't last since he was a 'serial short term dater'.
SD's last girlfriend, before IB, was a pleasure. She was very sweet, very concerned about SD and AK (Awesome Kid)'s relationship. She was one of those girls that would say "I've seen you three times this week, wouldn't you like to spend time with your son for a little bit? I'll be fine, we can hang out later." Beautiful, absolutely beautiful and we worked together as a team.
But they came to a screeching halt and horrible break up when there was a pregnancy scare and SD did what he did best...Ran for the hills. Thankfully for both her sake and the potential child, she was not pregnant. We still keep in touch though because we bonded on a friend basis and well, I enjoy her company more than I do his.
Back to the point. Me and IB were fine, up until I heard tales of things she was saying behind my back. Of course like most things I hear, I label it as gossip and go about my day. But when you begin hearing things like she publicly says to SD when he talks about AK, "Shut up! You don't even know if that's your kid, stop talking about it!" Which was prior to the DNA test, and things like "You should stop talking to her, it makes me uncomfortable." Because you know, communication when you have a child together isn't needed...*Sarcasm* So I gave IB the benefit of the doubt and sent her a message on Facebook saying "I'm sure it's just bored people talking, but have you been saying these things?" and much to my surprise...She confirms it herself in a very colorful way.
This goes on for a while. Including an argument of when SD met AK for the first time. I was driving, as I said, 5 hours round trip and paying for gas out of pocket so that SD could meet AK. Since this was the first time SD was going to be meeting AK, AK was bad with strangers, and SD was a serial short term dater who had only been dating IB for four months, I asked that she not be there considering I would be the one picking him up and giving him a ride to his mothers house where we would be doing the visitation. You'd think it wouldn't be a problem considering it was the first time, I was paying for gas, and it was my car but no. IB insisted that she be there, and I kept my foot firm. It evolved into "Well, I think this is best." to "This is my child, you will not tell me what to do!" with IB, when she put her foot down as well and said "SD can't go unless I can go" so I pretty much flipped the bird to both of them. My car, my gas money, my child, my choice.
This is the point in which me and SD have the huge argument which lead to him admitting he also did not believe AK was his child and he'd pretty much just been using Ashley's voice (Who was voicing the concern as well) to say it. So I made the trip down, made damn sure to say she was not allowed since she wanted to be pushy, and we had the visitation and performed the home DNA test. I set ground rules before agreeing to make the trip that applied to both parties. Since this was the first visitation, the first time meeting his son, neither of us were allowed to take phone calls, text, etc since this was a serious matter that deserved our full attention. We were not allowed to argue since we're so famous for that, and we were not allowed to make remarks concerning the other's partner since in March of 2011, I married my high school sweetheart.
Everything was going fabulously. SD was very nervous around AK, but he tried his best. He fed AK, he changed his diapers, and he played with him while we were there. If he'd asked me for more visitation at that point, I'd have gladly agreed. Then IB calls, and he takes the call. I stare at him for a moment, and decide to be graceful and say "We agreed to no phone calls, I guess you forgot." He looks at me and says "It will only take a minute."
By this point I'm exhausted. I've driven 3 hours in total because when I met SD to pick him up so we could go to his mother's house, he asks me to go to four different friend's houses so he can pick up his clothes that he left there, or other things. I had a toddler in the back seat, screaming in protest from being locked in a car seat the entire 3 hours, and I'd woken up at an ungodly hour to bathe myself, AK, dress myself and AK, cook breakfast, pack a diaper bag, well you mothers know what you have to do before you can leave.
I bite my tongue, hearing IB loudly say "What are you up to?!" knowing good and well what he was doing. He casually says "I'm with my son. I'll have to call you back." This was the first and last time I was proud of SD. She says "Oh okay, let me talk to T" I pause, and he starts to hand me the phone. I have nothing to say to this girl, she knows that this is the first time SD is meeting AK and this is just unacceptable. I kindly say "No. I do not want to talk to her right now, this day is about AK, not her. I will call her back later if it's truly important."
SD puts the phone back to his ear and I hear her loudly say "Is she mad at me?!" No dear, there's a pretty large gap between hating someone and just not liking them because they're a horrible person that speaks ill of a child. But, he gets her off the phone and the day progresses.
While this was just one of many, many encounters I've had with the new girlfriend, remember mommas. Keep your cool. If you act in a civil and polite way even when you just want to scream and say "Are you that dumb?!" You are the adult, you are the mature one. You are the one who looks sane of the two of you. Of course there is a line which civility and politeness isn't an option, but we'll cover that later. Til then, remember, you are that child's mother and you are in charge, not her. Do not let the girlfriend dictate how something will happen if you are not comfortable with it.
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